"Tristessa" vs "You"

"You" is a popular TV show that has taken the world by storm. It tells the story of Joe Goldberg, a bookstore manager who becomes obsessed with a customer named Beck. The show is a psychological thriller that explores themes of love, obsession, and the darker side of human nature. While the show is not directly connected to the book Tristessa, there are some similarities in the way they explore similar themes.

Tristessa is a novel written by Jack Kerouac that was published in 1960. It tells the story of a young writer who falls in love with a drug-addicted prostitute named Tristessa. The novel is a meditation on love, addiction, and the human condition. While the book and the show may seem vastly different, they both explore the darker side of human nature and the consequences of obsession.

The main character in You, Joe Goldberg, is a complex and deeply flawed character. He becomes obsessed with Beck, stalking her online and in person, and eventually committing murder in his pursuit of her. The show explores the idea of love as an obsession and the lengths that people will go to in order to attain it. This theme is also explored in Tristessa, as the protagonist becomes addicted to Tristessa, both emotionally and physically. He sees her as the answer to all his problems and becomes obsessed with her in much the same way that Joe Goldberg becomes obsessed with Beck.

Another similarity between the two works is the exploration of addiction. Tristessa is a drug addict, and the protagonist becomes addicted to her, seeing her addiction as a way to escape from his own problems. In You, Joe Goldberg is addicted to love, and his pursuit of Beck becomes an all-consuming addiction that leads him down a dark path. Both works explore the destructive nature of addiction and the way it can take over a person's life.

Finally, both You and Tristessa explore the darker side of human nature. They both delve into the depths of the human psyche, exploring the impulses and desires that can drive people to do terrible things. In You, Joe Goldberg is a deeply flawed character who commits murder in his pursuit of love. In Tristessa, the protagonist becomes involved in the seedy world of drugs and prostitution, exploring the darker side of society. Both works illuminate the darker aspects of human nature and force the reader/viewer to confront uncomfortable truths.

In conclusion, while You and Tristessa may seem vastly different, they explore similar themes and ideas. Both works delve into the darker side of human nature, exploring themes of love, obsession, addiction, and the human condition. They force the reader/viewer to confront uncomfortable truths and shine a light on the darker aspects of society. Whether you prefer the fast-paced action of You or the more introspective style of Tristessa, both works are worth exploring for anyone interested in exploring the darker side of human nature.

The Modern-Day Pear Tree Love

https://youtu.be/pYf5vVw0mEk https://youtu.be/pYf5vVw0mEk

Experiences and their effects on love

Love is an emotion that shapes all of us in different ways. Since we all have different experiences with it, it can change the way we think about love can be vastly different. It can bring us joy and fulfillment, but it can also lead to heartbreak and disappointment. The author Zora Neale Hurston's who wrote the book "Their Eyes Were Watching God," the main character Janie's experiences with love can reflect how our experiences with love can influence our ability to feel and express it.

Janie's three marriages in the novel can illustrate to the reader the different types of love she experiences throughout her life. Her first marriage to Logan Killicks was arranged by her grandmother to ensure her financial security. Since the marriage and the love was not mutual Janie had no emotional connection with Logan and felt trapped in a loveless marriage. Even though her grandmother's intentions were all good in faith, but they failed to take into account Janie's own desires and needs. If the events occurred differently such as hypothetically if Janie was able to fall in love during the marriage the story wouldve taken a different turn.

In Janie's second marriage to Joe Starks it was based on mutual attraction and desire. Janie believed that Joe could provide her with the life and love she had always wanted, but his need for control and desire to mold Janie into a "trophy wife" stifled her and made her feel trapped once again. Joe's love was possessive and did not allow Janie to be her true self. This is also another experience that can mold someones future emotions. Feeling helpless in a relationship can potentially scar people. They can lose their ability to be willing to trust others so that they can prevent themselves from being hurt in the end.

It was not until Janie met Tea Cake who was the last husband she would ever have. That she experienced a love that felt authentic and true. Tea Cake saw Janie for who she truly was and even allowed her to find her voice and express herself freely. He taught her to play and have fun and showed her a love that was not possessive but was actually empowering. Janie was finally able to find fulfillment in her relationship with Tea Cake with all of this happening she knew that his love was genuine.

Our experiences with love, whether good or bad, shape our ability to feel and express it. A heart-wrenching breakup or a deeply meaningful love can have a significant impact on our willingness to trust and form meaningful relationships in the future. Even our childhood experiences with love such as with our families can also have a lasting impact on our ability to feel and express love. A child who grows up in a loving and nurturing environment may feel more secure and comfortable with love, whereas a child who grows up in a chaotic or abusive environment may struggle to form relationships and trust others.

Even if it may not be for all of us, Janie's journey in "Their Eyes Were Watching God" is a powerful reminder of the importance of finding love that is real and true. It makes us pause and reflect on our own experiences with love and how they shape our relationships. We live and learn within our relationships and we find out what it is we want or look for long term. Love is not just about being with someone; it's about finding someone who accepts us for who we truly are and lets us be ourselves. In my opinion if you have to hide yourself behind a mask constantly when youre with that special someone. You’ll end up exhausting yourself just because youre lying to yourself and the person youre with. When starting off it kind of makes sense to do so since you and that other person are basically strangers. However, over time you start to feel like you can be more comfortable with that person.It's essential to take a step back and ponder on these experiences to comprehend how they impact our relationships.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a REAL Thing !

    Are you familiar with that fancy word PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? It is a mental health disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. This kind of trauma can take many forms, including military combat, sexual assault, physical or emotional abuse, or the sudden death of a loved one. The condition may last months or years, bringing back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.

    In Virginia Woolf's novel Mrs. Dalloway, the character Septimus Warren Smith, a veteran who served in the British Army during World War I, experiences symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The main reason he got PTSD is that during the war, he witnessed numerous traumatic events, especially the death of his best friend, Evans, which extremely affected him. Woolf characterized Septimus's PTSD as feelings of numbness and emotional detachment. He experiences vivid flashbacks of the traumatic events and struggles to feel connected to his wife, his doctors, and the world around him. The main problem Septimus faces with his PTSD is the lack of understanding and support from those around him. His doctors and wife cannot fully understand the extent of his trauma and its effect on his mental health, which is also a modern problem. People around you are unwilling to understand what is going on. Rather, they began to judge you based on your current presence.

    In one of the most renowned British TV series, Peaky Blinders, the main character Thomas Shelby is also portrayed as a WWI veteran who also experiences symptoms of PTSD. During the war, Thomas's participation in bombing underground, and murdering in the trenches, left him with lasting emotional and psychological scars. Throughout the series, Thomas is shown to have intense flashbacks and nightmares related to his time in the war, and he often struggles with anxiety, anger, and difficulties. His PTSD affects his relationships with others, particularly his own family members. He had a hard time to expressing his emotion toward his loved ones. In difficult situations, his PTSD rises and makes him paranoid, and he faces difficulty trusting others and feeling safe in his environment. This leads him to take extreme measures to protect himself and his family, often resorting to violence and illegal activities. His PTSD also contributes to his struggles with addiction and self-destructive behaviors.

Septimus in Mrs. Dalloway

Thomas Shelby in Peaky Blinders

    Although both characters are in very different settings and situations, some similarities exist in their experiences with PTSD. Both characters served in the British Army during WWI and were deeply affected by the traumatic events they witnessed on the battlefield. Both characters experience symptoms of PTSD, including vivid flashbacks and emotional suffering. Another similarity between Thomas and Septimus is their sense of detachment and isolation from those around them. Both characters struggle to connect with their family members having trust issues. They also lack understanding and support from those around them. And the biggest similarity that both characters exhibit is self-destructive behavior due to their PTSD. Thomas turns to violence and illegal activities to cope with his trauma, while Septimus becomes increasingly paranoid and ultimately takes his own life. We also see this kind of situation in this modern virtual world; youths are taking their own life without sharing their emotions and trauma with his/her close ones.

    I believe it is mandatory to note that seeking treatment for PTSD is not a sign of weakness, and there is no shame in asking for help. PTSD can significantly affect a person's quality of life, but the right treatment makes recovery possible. Both characters provide insight into the long-lasting effects of PTSD, highlighting how mental health conditions like PTSD can be misunderstood and stigmatized. With the right support and love, one can overcome the effects of trauma and can rebuild a charming life.

Dissociation of Love and Sex

 

For this assignment, I decided to take a trip South to Manhattan to explore the Museum of Sex. After seeing publicists hail the Museum with rave reviews, I figured this was as perfect of an opportunity as ever to see what the hype was about. However, I still honestly approached the venue not knowing what to expect other than -sex. But, upon entry, I came to realize that the Museum was an experience instead of a boring, captivating viewership of history. The inventor of the Museum of Sex set out to create a dedication to, “the history, evolution, and cultural significance of human sexuality,” and that’s what was achieved. The Museum uses all means necessary to create an interactive experience that highlights the core themes, history, and public enigma regarding sex. The tour consisted of four floors of exhibits that gave you plenty to see and interact with if desired. These exhibits were all formulated to show distinct themes and characteristics of sex in general. For example, the ‘Pink Bedroom’ aims to show the effects that the expectations of sex have on women. I was struck because this exhibit was unlike any traditionalist museum I have ever been to. In the exhibit, there was a plethora of information for the mind to process as the room was draped in all pink objects that held significant, unique meanings - breasts, dolls, lingerie, you name it. Following the more “informative” section of the Museum, we were led to ‘Super Funland’ which as expected by the name was quite intriguing. ‘Super Funland’ was a fully interactive experience in which sexuality was displayed in a raw, unique form through different activities. There were arcade and competitive games involving sex, shows, bounce castles, displays, etc. which all really aimed to show the fun, non-politicized versions of sexuality.

Following my experience at this profound museum, I was left to ponder how I could relate this to our class. Upon reflection, I came to the idea that the museum just portrays sex as - sex. No strings attached, no emotions, and no politicization of the concept but just the consumption of sex in a simple, “pure” form. Then I realized that the thing missing from the Museum is what typically seems to drive sex within our society - love. In the Museum, there were no real references to the deep emotions involved with sex but solely to the lust involved within it. Through the bouncy castles, props, and films that I saw that day, the “sex” that I was exposed to was all void of love. Overall, I felt like the Museum accentuated the idea that love and sex were dissociated from each other. The exposure to so much sexuality completely strips of the feelings of love it. Seemingly the more exposure to sex, the more the romantic and sacred connotations associated with it decrease. Sex is then just considered an outlet to express the lustful desires oneself instead of forming an emotional connection.

The idea of the dissociation between love and sex is highlighted through the character Tristessa in the novel "Tristessa" by Jack Kerouac. Tristessa is a drug-addicted prostitute that’s subject to the harsh life that comes with living in Mexico City. Tristessa faces several internal battles in addition to her drug addiction that leaves her struggling to survive. However, a positive complexity is thrust into her life when a man, Jack Duloza, grows romantically fond of her. Despite everything surrounding Tristessa, Jack is drawn to the acute intelligence and beauty she beholds. Jack becomes enamored with Tristessa's struggles and spends the majority of his time trying to help her, buying her drugs, and understanding her addiction. Yet, Tristessa is unable to fully appreciate Jack for everything and express the same feelings of love he has for her. I believe that this is solely due to Tristessa being a prostitute, which in turn, has deprived her ability to emotionally connect. Due to her experiences as a prostitute, Tristessa is constantly being used for the lustful desires of others through sex. These encounters are devoid of any emotional connection which is usually the standard for what all sex is based upon. So the culmination of these emotionless experiences oversaturates Tristessa and takes away what her concept of love really is. Simply, Tristessa’s relationships with men are often transactional, and she is not able to experience love and affection in the same way as someone who is not a prostitute. In addition, being a prostitute greatly affects Tristessa’s feelings of self-worth and image. Working such a shameful profession has eroded Tristessa’s self-perspective and to herself makes her feel like she’s unworthy of a loving relationship.

How Memories Affect Us

        The characters in Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf and the television show Euphoria both struggle with their past romantic memories, but each character deals with them in different ways. The characters in both explore the theme of memory and its impact on present relationships and their wellbeing. While the characters in Mrs. Dalloway deal with these memories mostly by dwelling on them and being unhappy in their present life, the characters in Euphoria deal with these memories in much more destructive ways.

        In Mrs. Dalloway, the protagonist Clarissa Dalloway struggles with her past relationships with Peter Walsh and Sally Seton. The memory of her failed relationship with Peter lingers with her, and she wonders how her life would have been different if she had chosen Peter over her husband, Richard. By marrying Richard, Clarissa took the traditional path, as he is well-regarded in the community and is seen as a fine husband to have. However, Clarissa at times feels trapped in this marriage and is dissatisfied with her choice of settling for the safe option. In addition, Clarissa's memories of Sally are primarily associated with a sense of freedom and abandon. Sally is seen by Clarissa as a free spirit that exudes confidence and energy, and the two girls formed a close bond that was both romantic and platonic. However, as Clarissa grew older, she began to feel the weight of society's expectations and the constraints of her gender and was forced to conform to the expectations of her class and marry a wealthy, respectable man. Sally became a symbol of the freedom that Clarissa had lost, and Clarissa struggled with feelings of regret and nostalgia for their relationship as well.

        In Euphoria, the characters also struggle with their past romantic memories but in a more self-destructive way. The protagonist, Rue, is consumed by her memories of her ex-girlfriend, Jules. Jules was the first person Rue ever deeply loved, and their relationship helped Rue stay mentally well and sober from her drug addiction. However, when Jules breaks up with her, Rue goes down an even darker path and becomes addicted to opioids, which throws her life into an uncontrollable spiral. Throughout the second season, Rue's memories of Jules are so strong that they begin to blur with her present experiences, and she becomes increasingly reliant on drugs to escape her painful memories while trying to cope with living without Jules.

        Another love dynamic in Euphoria is between Maddy Perez and Nate Jacobs. It is clear from the beginning of the show that Nate Jacobs has abusive tendencies, and as he and Maddy started dating longer, Maddy started to realize how intimidating and destructive Nate could be. However, Maddy struggles to separate from Nate, as no matter how many times they fight and break up, it seems like she is not capable of living happily without Nate. She knows deep down that their relationship is toxic and harmful for everyone involved, but her memories and love for Nate keep her from stepping away for good. After all, she did love Nate and her love for him was stronger than her desire to move on from him, which leads to her consistently struggling with her attachment to Nate throughout both seasons of the show.

        In both Mrs. Dalloway and Euphoria, the characters' past romantic memories have a profound impact on their present relationships and their ability to be happy. For Clarissa, her memories of Peter and Sally damage her relationship with her husband since she constantly wonders if she made the right life choice in marrying him. For Rue in Euphoria, her past memories of Jules are so powerful and destructive that it throws her life back into a spiral as she relapses into her drug addiction. Also, Maddy’s memories of Nate impact her ability to move on and be content in a life without Nate, even though she recognizes that he is abusive towards her. Overall, the struggle with past romantic memories is a universal human experience that is explored in both literature and television since it is a common life occurrence. Everyone at one point can identify a time in their lives when they had a difficult time getting over prior memories and moving on, and these examples in Mrs. Dalloway and Euphoria do an excellent job of showing how these memories can affect people in different stages of life.

"Being loved is not the same as loving"

 What I say next may come off as an outrageous statement at first glance, but before you decide I’m an insane pessimist and completely discount it, I can explain. I think that fairytale romances are overrated. All they have ever created is false hope, ultimately leading to broken hearts. From real life to the big screen and everywhere in between, the strongest relationships, the ones that people secretly desire, are never the easy ones.

The newest Julia Roberts and George Clooney collaboration, Ticket to Paradise, highlights various types of love, each distinct from the others. The movie's most noteworthy relationship was, by far, Georgia and David's highly dysfunctional yet passionate romance. Their short-lived marriage right out of college is introduced as a mutually understood catastrophic mistake, with the one and only silver lining being their daughter Lily. Over twenty years later, Georgia admittedly still tries “not to be in the same time zone [as David] if [she] can help it.” That is until they get an email from the newly graduated Lily announcing her plan to move to Bali to marry the man she recently met and fell in love with, giving up her job at a top law firm. Calling a truce and flying to Bali to stop the wedding, the movie takes us on a rollercoaster ride as Georgia and David accidentally reignite their old flame while Georgia simultaneously struggles in her picture-perfect relationship with her young and charming boyfriend, Paul.

On the surface, Paul is basically a Ken doll. He says all the right things to flatter Georgia and plans out romantic gestures to surprise her, but their relationship lacks substance. This, compared to the intensity of each and every interaction between Georgia and David as they constantly bicker and compete against one another, masterfully emphasizes which relationship is more desirable. 

When Paul proposes to Georgia, Lily’s response to the announcement really stuck with me. She says to Georgia: “But you’re never your best self with him. Yeah, he’s kind and he’s got those eyes. But it’s not enough. Being loved is not the same as loving.” The ups and downs involved in love may feel horrible in the heat of the moment, but they strengthen a relationship so much more than anyone realizes. And the bumps also improve people as individuals, pushing them to improve constantly. As long as, at the end of the day, each member of a couple proves to be the other's biggest cheerleader and most dedicated teammate, the method by which they show their support can be nontraditional. 

And this is not a new concept. Mrs. Dalloway’s Clarissa married Richard Dalloway because it was simple. Their relationship gave her the stability her young mind desired, and she kept her independence even as they grew older and created a family. Yet decades later, Clarissa’s heart still ached for Peter Walsh. He proved that even after so much time had passed, he could still not provide her with the seemingly uncomplicated relationship that Richard has, but logistics don’t matter to the heart.

A straightforward relationship would, of course, be ideal, but not at the expense of other characteristics essential to romance. I rarely meet people who stay up at night fantasizing about a future relationship consisting of monotonous days with a person they live a virtually separate life from. As Clarissa and Georgia both did, though, people all too often seem to mistake tolerance or coexistence for love. Being loved is an extraordinary thing, but it fails in comparison to the feeling of getting to love.

How Giovanni’s Room and Hell’s Paradise Explore Survival and Sacrifice

    Hell’s Paradise is a new anime series by MAPPA that I was awaiting with much excitement. I have been following this release since it was first announced, and now that I have seen a few of the episodes, I have noticed that some of the elements correspond with those that I have discussed in my class, and in this post, I would like to make that connection.     

    The anime follows the character Gabimaru, a notorious assassin who is sent to a mysterious island in search of the elixir of life. This relates to the text, Giovanni’s Room, which is a classic novel by James Baldwin that tells the story of David, an American in Paris who struggles with his sexuality and his feelings for Giovanni, an Italian bartender. These two works might seem very different in tone, genre, and setting. However, they both share some common themes and motifs that make them interesting to compare and contrast. In this blog post, I will explore how Giovanni’s Room and Hell’s Paradise deal with survival, sacrifice, and love.

    One of the main aspects in both works is survival. Survival is a key factor in shaping the characters’ actions, motivations, and choices. They also face various threats and challenges that test their limits and willpower. David is trying to survive in a society that does not accept his homosexuality. He faces the threat of social ostracism, legal persecution, and violence. He also faces the challenge of finding his true self and his place in the world. He has to make difficult decisions that affect his life and the lives of others. Gabimaru is trying to survive on an island that is full of deadly creatures and traps. He faces the threat of physical harm, death, and betrayal. He also faces the challenge of finding the elixir of life and escaping the island. He has to make difficult decisions that affect his life and the lives of others. Both works show how survival can be a struggle and a goal, and how it can shape the characters’ personalities and relationships.

    Another common element in both works is sacrifice. Sacrifice is a central theme in both works, as the protagonists have to give up something important or valuable for something else. They also have to deal with the consequences and regrets of their sacrifices. David sacrifices his love for Giovanni for his safety and reputation. He chooses to marry Hella, a woman he does not love, instead of staying with Giovanni, who he loves. He also abandons Giovanni after he kills his former boss in self-defense, leaving him to face execution alone. He regrets his sacrifices and feels guilty and miserable. Gabimaru sacrifices his freedom for his wife. He agrees to go on a dangerous mission to find the elixir of life in exchange for a pardon for his crimes. He also leaves behind his wife, who he loves more than anything else, without telling her where he is going or why. He regrets his sacrifices and feels lonely and hopeless. Both works show how sacrifice can be noble and selfish, and how it can affect the characters’ happiness and fate.

    The final theme that I will discuss is love. Love is a possible outcome for both protagonists, as they seek to find someone who understands them and accepts them for who they are. They also seek to find happiness and peace in their lives. David finds love in Giovanni, who offers him a chance to be himself and experience freedom and passion. Giovanni loves David unconditionally and supports him through his struggles. David loves Giovanni deeply but fears losing him or hurting him. Gabimaru finds love in his wife Yui, who offers him a chance to be human.

Something is Missing

It is universally understood that being single in 2023 was not just taboo - it was actively discouraged, almost forbidden. In this world, being single was a stamp of failure, an indication that you could not find someone who was compatible with you in any and every possible way.

I shuffled through the restless city streets with these exhausting thoughts tormenting my mind until I found myself at the front door of the dating center. Entering this alleged center of love, I couldn't help but feel a sense of apprehension. I walked through the intimidating lobby veiled by sleek modernity and navigated the maze of hallways. I passed countless other hopefuls, all plagued with what looked to be forced tenacity. We were all here for the same reason: to find someone to spend our lives with. But finding that special someone was not so simple.

The receptionist towering over me looked me up and down with a commanding glare that pierced right through me, yet her fabricated smile almost softened the sting. She placed a cold clipboard before me. Fill out these forms. My stomach was in knots. My palms were almost dripping with hesitation. And we will get started with your compatibility assessment. I grabbed the clipboard, gripping it hard, for I feared it would slip out of my hand.

Dismally inhaling and exhaling,  I began to fill out the questionnaire. I was questioned about everything from my favorite color to my thoughts on the role of government in society. It was an arduous process, but I knew I had to be honest to find my perfect match.

Finally, after what felt like hours, my results came in. I was a "type C" personality, with a preference for people who were astute, extroverted, and enjoyed long car rides at night. Quite specific, I would say. The dating center's algorithm identified a multitude of promising matches, and they provided me with an account on their very own dating app.

Swiping left and right on dating apps had become my norm. I was forced to make impulsive judgments based on a single photo or a short bio. It was a continuous cycle of swiping, matching, and ghosting. I sat in my apartment, still enduring solitude, and scrolled and tapped and clicked through endless profiles on this god-forsaken dating app. The days transformed into weeks, and the weeks mutated into months, all while I STILL remained alone. 

I wondered if this was all life had to offer me. Was finding a partner really the more important thing? Or was there something deeper and more meaningful that I was missing? I wanted to meet people organically. I wanted to establish connections and build a foundation grounded in something more than just a meaningless series of checkboxes and data points. I began to realize something. The system was flawed. It forced us to reconstruct ourselves based on what the algorithm expected–to fit a preconceived notion of a perfect partner. Though it was a world of boundless opportunity, it was not accompanied by real connection. And so, even as I scrolled through countless “matches” on my phone, I could not help but feel like something was missing.

*The inspiration for this piece is the film The Lobster. In this film, society expects people to be in a relationship by a certain point in their lives. However, the means by which they drive this completely undermines the entire foundation of what true love is supposed to be. I wanted to take the first scene from this movie and give it a modern twist so that we can see slight parallels and differences between this art and our life and how love is viewed and experienced.

Dating @ Fordham University: The Lobster (2015)

    Founded in 1841, Fordham University is the oldest Catholic Jesuit university in the Northeastern United States, and is known as the Jesuit University of New York. Fordham attracts students from all over the country, and boasts its Jesuit values, small class sizes, and “cura personalis” curriculum. However, something that is not widely known is how great Fordham University is for a student’s dating life! If you or someone you know has been single for a while, I highly recommend applying to Fordham! 

Relationships run rampant on the Rose Hill campus! It honestly feels like I can’t walk to class without seeing two love birds holding hands or witnessing a grotesque display of PDA. Once you leave campus, not much changes. You’ll find people on romantic picnics in the Botanical Gardens, having intimate candlelit dinners on Arthur Ave, or just walking around chatting. My point is: you cannot escape relationships at Fordham. So, why is this? Does Fordham University just attract like minded students who are extremely compatible with one another? You might think so, but this is not actually the case.

Three in four doctors say that the leading cause of relationships at Fordham is a mild to severe case of desperation. Okay, doctors don’t actually say this, but it’s still true! To fully grasp this idea it is crucial to understand the age we are living in and how social media creates a culture that is based on FOMO and bragging rights. 

FOMO is an acronym that stands for “Fear of Missing Out”. This is an epidemic that is close to my heart, as I have a relentless case of it. Living in the year 2023 where Instagram and Snapchat exist, FOMO is bound to affect everyone at some point. The idea that you can see exactly what someone is doing, where they are doing it, and who they are with, can create extreme levels of jealousy and obsession. This jealousy oftentimes will make someone post their social life too, as a way to combat this jealousy, or pass it on to someone else. The key takeaway here is that FOMO is real, and social media makes it worse. 

Speaking as a student at Fordham, a lot of the FOMO that I struggle with comes from seeing social media posts of people in Manhattan or Brooklyn with their friends or significant others. New York City as a whole is a breeding ground for all things “aesthetically pleasing”, whether that be a seemingly perfect relationship, friend group, or life. Due to this digital age and the act of withholding any imperfections, the city can be the perfect backdrop for one’s online presence. 

Some people dream about visiting New York City, some of us are lucky enough to live here: what makes both of these statements accurate is that New York is a magical and iconic city. New York is so special on its own, that you can have a great time here, no matter who you are with, and there are not many people that want to be single. 

Building on this point, I want to ask you a question: have you ever seen a couple together, and just think: WTF? It seems like they have nothing in  common! I know I have, and I’m here to tell you the one thing almost all of those pairs share, the Fear of Being Single, or as I have dubbed it: FOBS. There are some people who struggle with FOBS and are so desperate to be in a relationship, that they will find one similarity with another person and decide that they are compatible. Sometimes, this similarity isn’t even real, it is something that Person A likes that Person B has decided they like in attempts to bond with and court Person A. As long as two people can tolerate each other, a relationship tends to make sense, especially when romantic dates and gestures can be plastered on one’s social media as a way to show off their level of “happiness”. 

In conclusion, Fordham University has many flourishing relationships on its campus. New York City complemented with the idea of FOMO in this digital age allows many people to thrive in relationships, even if they are not incredibly compatible with each other. Just fake it until you make it! FOBS is real, being single is scary! Apply!

The Lobster (2015) is a satirical film that examines the dating culture in society and takes a closer look at the desperation

that people feel when it comes to dating. I am examining how FOMO can often lead to this sense of desperation. People

are often willing to settle for someone either because they don’t want to be alone, or because they are afraid this is the best

person they will get. The film shows a dramatization of the concept that people are not only willing to date someone over

the smallest similarity, but also that they are willing to change themselves to match a partner. The film compares not finding

a partner with being turned into an animal, the equivalence of death.

Self Love through Stream of Consciousness Technique

 Part one. Finish your schoolwork. Wash your dishes. Brush your teeth. 

He completes his homework, sorting through the piles of numbers haphazardly sprawled in front of him until they resemble tiny buildings, stacked up in orderly fashion, forming perfect city blocks. He is a creature of organization, of habit, in the way that everything makes sense to him in the way it should be and in all honesty that really should be enough.

But as he leaves his miniature world, crafted from those figures pulled from his accounting textbook, fueled by the midnight snack of cereal, and dumps the remnant of Fruit-Loop tainted milk down the sink, something starts to change. The peace found in simple answers that can be reversed back into complex questions is gone. The running water in the sink is rushing, louder and louder, just like the waterfalls in Hawaii when he went in third grade for family vacation. The running water is pounding, it hurts his ears, like the Jon Bon Jovi concert that they went to for his sister’s seventeenth birthday. It's pounding, it’s painful, it’s so, so loud but it still can’t replace the thoughts that stampede through his mind. He turns off the sink, but can’t say the same for his brain, water begins to find cracks in the self control of tuning it all out, threatening to create a flood. 

Floods. Floods, to him, are aftershocks of catastrophe, like the streets of Fort Myers after Hurricane Ian. Hurricanes, that come as “natural disasters,” because the world is protesting us being here. Hurricanes, a mess of swirling, spiraling, angry, angry winds. Angry, angry, winds like the angry, angry thoughts in his head. He goes to Florida every year, for one reason or another, but for some reason they are connected and disconnected at the same time and he really doesn’t know what to think about that. 

His toothbrush has someone made its way into his right hand and his left is squeezing a pea-sized amount of Crest UltraWhite onto it, the handle is hard, hard, plastic and he knows the feeling of the bristles on his tongue will make him gag. Necessary evils, he tells himself, necessary evils. But gagging makes him think of that time, not that long ago, when he was lying on the marble of his bathroom floor, cold, cold rock pressed against his burning cheek as his stomach screamed bloody murder. Cold, cold rock like the cold, cold crystal clear water that flows from the tap onto the dot of blue striped white that lies on the green and navy bristles of the tooth brush, the bristles of the tooth brush that will touch his tongue and make him gag, even though he really hates to gag but he has to do it. He has to do it even though he hates gagging, and the way that it makes his eyes water because, god damn it, he hates crying. 

Crying. He didn’t cry at his grandfather’s funeral, and he thinks that might be why his grandmother cried harder. Crying. He didn’t cry at his grandfather’s funeral, but he cried at that stupid beer commercial after the Superbowl where the dog found its way back home. Crying. He doesn’t cry at things that matter because he doesn’t want people to see him cry because if they see him cry they might know that something inside of him is broken. 

Bristles hit his tongue and the gagging distracts from his psychoanalysis. Gagging, my god, he hates gagging so much, but even more than that he hates how he can’t turn off his brain. He hates that he doesn’t know what it’s like to close his eyes and drift off to sleep, he hates that he can’t seem to choke out why it is that he has bags under his eyes that grow darker by the day because no matter how tired he is, he just can’t fall asleep. He hates that it makes him weak to ask why this is happening to him, so instead, he finds quiet solace in the peace of his homework, his numbers, his peaceful, private, city because those have a beginning and those have an end. 

Those have pure, beautiful simplicity. And he does not.

Too Hot to Handle and Their Eyes Were Watching God

The Netflix reality TV show "Too Hot to Handle" and the classic novel "Their Eyes Were Watching God" may appear to be vastly different at first glance, but there are some intriguing parallels between them. While one is a dating competition show where contestants must avoid sexual contact to win a cash prize, the other is a literary masterpiece that tells the story of Janie Crawford's journey to self-discovery and love.

One way in which the two works are similar is in their exploration of the theme of self-discovery. In "Too Hot to Handle," the contestants are forced to confront their sexual desires and examine their relationships with others. They are stripped of their usual modes of interaction, such as hooking up or engaging in flirty banter, and are forced to communicate in deeper, more meaningful ways. This results in several of them discovering new aspects of themselves and forging deeper connections with others. Similarly, in "Their Eyes Were Watching God," Janie Crawford embarks on a journey of self-discovery and love. She is a strong-willed woman who is not content with conforming to the expectations of society. Instead, she seeks to find her true identity and to love on her own terms. Along the way, she confronts the expectations of others and learns to trust her own instincts, ultimately discovering the happiness and fulfillment she has been seeking.

Another theme that connects the two works is the challenge of resisting temptation. In "Too Hot to Handle," the contestants are constantly tempted to break the rules and engage in sexual activity, which would result in a deduction from the cash prize. They must learn to control their impulses and make choices that align with their goals. Similarly, in "Their Eyes Were Watching God," Janie is tempted by societal expectations and the desire for security. She is expected to conform to the norms of her community and to marry for practical reasons, rather than for love. However, she resists these pressures and follows her heart, even when it leads her down an uncertain path.

In both works, the challenge of resisting temptation is not an easy one. The contestants in "Too Hot to Handle" struggle to keep their hands off each other, and Janie faces considerable obstacles in her pursuit of love and self-discovery. However, they both demonstrate the resilience and determination necessary to succeed.

Finally, both works offer commentary on the nature of relationships. In "Too Hot to Handle," the contestants are forced to confront the superficiality of many of their previous relationships. They learn to communicate on a deeper level and to value the emotional connection they have with others over physical attraction. Similarly, in "Their Eyes Were Watching God," Janie learns that true love is not about conforming to societal expectations or finding someone who will provide for her. Instead, it is about finding someone who understands and accepts her for who she truly is.

In conclusion, while "Too Hot to Handle" and "Their Eyes Were Watching God" may seem like vastly different works at first glance, they share several important themes. Both works explore the challenge of self-discovery and the need to resist temptation in order to achieve personal growth. Additionally, they both offer commentary on the nature of relationships and the importance of finding someone who understands and accepts us for who we truly are. These parallels demonstrate that, despite their different mediums and audiences, both works have valuable insights to offer about the human experience.

 

Connecting "The Lobster" and "The Museum of Sex"; Societal Norms and Expectations

            I visited the Museum of Sex in New York City and it was an experience I will never forget. There is a wide range of exhibitions that are dedicated to exploring human sexuality. This was a very relevant place to visit because I am taking “Texts and Contexts: What is Love?” this semester. There were some interesting sculptures, artifacts, and pieces of art as I was roaming around this museum. I had certain expectations and assumptions of what the museum was going to be like, and it exceeded my expectations. I thought it was a really cool experience and I would love to go back in the future.

I can relate this to just about any book we have read or film we have watched in this class because of how much it relates to love and romance, something that we have been focusing a lot on this semester. There have been moments and each film or book that we have examined that I can relate to when walking through the museum. One film that I can specifically relate to this museum is the film The Lobster, which was a film we watched earlier this semester. This film is set in a near-future society where single people are forced to find romantic partners within 45 days or else they will be turned into an animal of their choosing. There are many scenes throughout this film that are very dramatic and visual. This can be related to the museum because the Museum of Sex is dramatic and visual just like the film, and the museum pulls you in with all of the pieces that you are seeing throughout it. A person watching The Lobster is able to hone in on the movie because of how over-exaggerated the scenes are. 

Both "The Lobster" and The Museum of Sex demonstrate the ways in which societal norms allow us to form certain expectations when it comes to sex, love, and relationships. In "The Lobster," the characters have to follow certain rules and are forced to find a romantic partner, while at the Museum of Sex, visitors learn about sexual norms from the past and the present. "The Lobster" and The Museum of Sex focus on the individual experience when it comes to sexuality and relationships. In this film, the characters are pushed to find a partner who shares a similar trait within their personality or appearance, regardless of whether they connect on a romantic level. Similar to this concept, the Museum of Sex focuses on the importance of personal exploration and education when it comes to sex and sexuality, rather than following societal norms. An obvious connection between the film and the museum is that they both have elements of sex and romance throughout them. In the film, we see romance building between certain people and sexual interactions among the characters. In the museum, we see sculptures that represent sex and how it has evolved over time. Overall, I believe that both the film “The Lobster” and The Museum of Sex can be related in multiple ways as well as other films and books we have studied so far this semester.

Modern Love & The Lobster

Modern Love & The Lobster

Yorgos Lanthimos‘ 2015 "The Lobster '' is a bizarre and dark film with a dash of dry humor for flavor. Viewers who don’t overcomplicate things will appreciate its simple message— love and social constructs are absurdly complicated. David is introduced at The Hotel. In this dystopian society, civilians must find a heterosexual partner within 45 days or meet their fate of being transformed into an animal of their choosing. David is accompanied by his brother— a dog, "who didn't make it." The resistance are those who choose to remain single and reside in the forest dodging snipers. The Hotel guests are free to capture or kill the singles in return for an extended check-out date. After a sociopath partner kills David’s dog-brother, he ventures into the forest and meets a “short-sighted woman." However, the short-sighted woman is captured fleeing the forest. Since she defied society's rules of partnership, she is blinded as punishment. David rescues her and realizes he is in love. As they sit in a diner, David takes a steak knife to the restroom and contemplates using it to blind himself as a sign of empathy and devotion. Fade to black. The viewers are left wondering if he actually goes through with it.

As disturbing as the film is, it's not so far-fetched. If you think about the archaic social oppression inflicted on global societies throughout the course of history, this film is downright scary. There are significant political and personal shifts in our country and the world. Isolation from the pandemic stirred self reflection and non conformity. GenZ is the native digital generation, globally connected and aware of present and past atrocities. We are left to repair systemic racism, democracy, gender inequality and inclusion. The ever present threats of climate change, mass shootings, increased mental illness and crime. As a result, GenZ relationships are more fluid and don't conform to social norms. It is evident in “Modern Love", a weekly column in the Style section of The New York Times. 

I captured snippets that address the absurdity of a dystopian world like “The Lobster.” The published works below deserve the spotlight without paraphrasing or rethinking their meaning. I specifically chose college students' submissions to show solidarity and offer another platform for their work. 

My Choice Isn’t Marriage or Loneliness

By Haili Blassingame

Published April 2, 2021

---

I thought of my choice to be single and not looking but still very much loving. What I want are relationships that operate with a spirit of possibility rather than constraint. Shedding the identity of “girlfriend” has allowed me to experience the expansiveness of love. It has challenged me to stretch the limits of my relationships to see what they can be when relieved of social pressure.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/02/style/modern-love-my-choice-isnt-marriage-or-loneliness.html

When Marriage Is Just Another Overhyped Nightclub

By Katerina Tsasis

Published Aug 7, 2020

---

People treat you differently when you are steadily single. They make you feel as if you are not the norm, despite the fact that U.S. census data tells us singlehood is, in fact, increasingly the norm. What does another person’s legal declaration really say about you? Does it confer validation? Does it make you seem more normal? Does it draw new boundaries around you? Does it make you seem safer? What I have to say to my friends who feel pressure from family or society as they navigate dating, relationships, or a single life, and who have been told they are somehow less than whole because they’re on their own: You are not. A full and meaningful life belongs to us all. Our experiences vary. We punish and reward people for how well they conform to our ideals without even realizing it. We punish ourselves when the things we’re told to want keep us from appreciating and enjoying the things we have.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/07/style/modern-love-when-marriage-is-just-another-overhyped-nightclub.html

No Labels, No Drama, Right?

By Jordana Narin

Published April 30, 2015

---

Women today have more power. We don’t crave attachment to just one man. We keep our options open. We’re in control. But are we? I’m told my generation will be remembered for our callous commitments and rudimentary romances. We hook up. We sext. We swipe right. All the while, we avoid labels and try to bury our emotions. We aren’t supposed to want anything serious, not now, anyway. But a void is created when we refrain from telling it like it is, from allowing ourselves to feel how we feel. And in that unoccupied space, we’re dangerously free to create our own realities.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/03/style/modern-love-college-essay-winner.html

Sex/Life and Giovanni's Room

Sex/Life is a Netflix original series that came out in 2021. During the first season of this series, the main character, Billie, and David, the main character from James Baldwin's novel published in 1956, Giovanni's Room, share similar experiences with how they handle and navigate their love lives. The series follows a woman, Billie, and her inner struggle with her sex life as a wife and mother of two. After the birth of her second child, Billie begins fantasizing about sexual experiences from when she was much younger and wilder. The man in these experiences is not her husband, Cooper, but her ex, Brad. Ashamed of her wild sexual experiences with her ex, Billie writes down her fantasies in a digital diary to try and control them. As she gets increasingly lost in her fantasies, she begins to feel so guilty she thinks something is wrong with her. Billie does not understand how she could fantasize about another man besides her husband. 

It is apparent her sex life with Cooper is very different from her sex life with Brad, and something must be missing from Billie and Cooper's relationship. Billie does everything she can to convince herself there is nothing wrong with her sex life and relationship with Cooper. She hides behind her computer in denial, neglecting her true desires. Billie's problems get bigger when Cooper finds Billie's diary and Brad reappears in Billie's life. Now that Billie's very detailed sexual experiences are out in the open, Cooper does everything he can to meet Billie's sexual needs and spice up their sex life. But Billie still struggles to keep her history with Brad in the past and eventually realizes it is not just the sex she is fantasizing about. Brad and Copper fight over Billie until the last episode of the first season, which begins with Billie's choice to work things out with Cooper, yet ends with her at Brad's doorstep asking him to have sex with her. We later find out early on in the next season she lost both these men to other women. 

The Netflix series, Sex/Life and the novel Giovanni's Room have first-person narration. Giovanni's Room is in first-person, so the audience always reads David's thoughts. In Sex/Life, first-person narration is not as consistent but frequently occurs within an episode. When we hear Billie's thoughts, she is usually speaking about a sexual fantasy, or she is trying to convince herself she does not need her past life anymore. She tells herself something is wrong with her because she should be happy with her "normal suburban mom life." She is happily married and has two beautiful kids. Billie finds herself latched on to this social norm. She doesn't want to speak up and tell her husband what is happening. Instead, she does her best to do what is socially acceptable by staying with her husband. Similarly, David holds on to his heterosexuality when homosexuality or bisexuality is not the social norm. David separates himself from that side of his sexuality because it was not socially accepted at the time. 

    Along with making connections between the two stories through narration, other supporting characters also have similarities. David's fiance, Hella, is similar to Cooper in that they both represent the "normal" lives David and Billie were trying to live. Hella was David's heterosexual relationship, and for Billie, Cooper was the "perfect" father and husband. David's affair with Giovanni and Billie's sexual fantasies are more representative of who they are and what they desire, yet both these things are secrets. Billie and David are unwilling to come to accept their sexuality. Billie in terms of her eroticism and sexual deviancy, and David in terms of his bisexual experience. Both these characters find themselves trying to ignore their true sexual behaviors, identities, and their true selves. With over sixty years between Giovanni's Room and Sex/Life, it is interesting to see how David and Billie's relationship with love is so similar in times that are so dissimilar.